An Open letter to the James Bond movie producers

It's not official yet but it sure looks like Clive Owen is earmarked to be the next James Bond, with an official announcement next week. You can see his response to the question of "Bond? Yes or no?" asked at the premiere of "Sin City" here , judge for yourself. Actually he was my choice of all the new rumored candidates, if for no other reason, than he looks like James Bond should look. The next Bond film, "Casino Royale", the first Ian Fleming novel, will supposedly be some sort of prequel to the Bond legend. To this I say pooh pooh! Forget 'prequel', either continue in the same direction or reinvent the character. Start from the beginning, as if there has never been a Bond film? Begin with James Bond starting out in "Casino Royale" and remake every Bond novel into a new film, in the order of publication. That's the way it should have been done from the beginning, but Broccoli & Saltzman didn't have the rights to "Casino Royale". This can become a great series of films, again, if done properly. I assume from past conviction, that the producers want this to continue to be the premiere movie franchise in film history. Now that they have made the ultimate decision to dump Pierce Brosnan and do a "prequel" you might as well start from scratch and develop the series into the best it can be for the next generation and for those of us who have adored, yet become bored with Bond. Face it, as big of a Bond fan as I am, even I realize that they have gone beyond "bigger & better" stunts & sfx. The limits of the formula have been reached unless they turn him into Spider-Man. I hated the cgi surfing scene in "Die Another Day". The film started off so promising with Bond captured & tortured, only to be degraded by that stupid surfing scene. OHMSS was a great film, would have been better with Connery and Dalton was a great direction to go if he had begun the series "anew". Pierce & Tarantino would have been great with "Casino Royale", but since they decided to have a new Bond and a new direction, then go all the way. The whole magic to Bond stunts & gadgets was that they were all based in reality. The stunts and gadgets could & did actually work in the real world. That was the charm and facination of it all. No cgi, no blue screen, just dedicated stunt people and realistic, if cutting edge, gadgets. Goldfinger's laser, Bond's Aston Martin, even his remote controlled BMW for example. So now it's time to reinvent the character, write great stories based on the original Fleming source material, updated to this century, as if nothing has come before. Let him be more human, show his rough edge and his vulnerability, let him marry Tracy again & lose her. There are still great stories to tell, even again, and great stunts and some gadgets to throw in along the way. I hate to say this & I'm not suggesting that Bond become Jed Clampett, but, Bond needs to utilize what the Beverly Hillbillies TV show did so brilliantly. The success of that TV show was based on Jed & the clan's eventual discovery and wonderment at the technology they had no concept of. That feeling is what needs to return to Bond. Just like "From Russia With Love" & "Goldfinger", when he was introduced to the attache case and the Aston Martin. He needs to be reintroduced into the world he pioneered and adjust to it again, instead of showing contempt and casual disdain for what he has been using. Begin Bond again and reinvent the sense of wonder and first time discovery of all these gadgets and the world around him. Let his stunts be based, once again, in reality, like the pre-credit ski jump in "The Spy Who Loved Me". The series needs to recapture the sence of wonder, discovery and first time excitement that it had in the beginning. It can only do that with a new Bond and a new beginning. Don't just do a prequel and then go back to the Roger Moore days where he floats about in space with a laser gun. Take the best of Bonds' past and give them to Clive to work with and make the character interesting, real, dangerous, exciting and fun again. Clive is the actor that can pull it off. We won't even mind the continuity problems that would come with Judi Dench being "M" before Bernard Lee. That won't work as a prequel...it has to be new. We don't want to see a Bond ally become Blofeld two films later (Charles Gray). If you change the continuity, change the series. The time is now. This is the only chance you will have until another generation passes. You have made the decision to change. Don't screw it up. Just do it right, do it justice. We love 007 and we don't want him slither away into movie oblivion.

In a Larry King Mood Vol. II

This one is about TV & Movies kids. Monk and Nero Wolfe are the best detective shows on TV. Monk is just too funny and the stock company on Wolfe is so talented, especially Kari Matchett. They really make Rex Stout's stories fly off the page. I still can't get over Alton Brown's "Good Eats" on Food Network. It is the ultimate cooking show. It's "Cooking, How'd They Do That, Home Edition". "Popeye" on the Boomerang Network runs a lot of the old Max Fleischer cartoons and they have been colorized. The process really works with cartoons. Even the early colorized Warner Bros. they run look great. Ya' had a great idea there Ted. Casablanca was a bomb though. Ya didn't pay attention to the dialogue & got Ilsa's dress color wrong. Not to mention some Frank Sinatra film that gave him brown eyes. All those old colorized live action films looked like lobby card flip books. Fox, hurry up & get the new "Family Guy" episodes on, I'm jones'n. Is that how ya spell that? By the way, the new season of "South Park" has sucked so far. Plenty to offend but no humor or moral. What happend guys? Just on principal I don't want Rob & Amber to win the "Amazing Race". I was skeptical but Craig Ferguson's "Late Late Show" on CBS is surprisingly good. Even a little edgy. "Desperate Housewives" lives up to it's hype. Damn, Teri Hatcher still looks great. In fact ABC has a winner with "Extreme Makeover, Home Edition", It's sorta neet to watch 'em tear down & build a house in a week. Get your contractor to do that. Not to mention "Boston Legal" all on Sunday nights. There's your new "Must See TV". I love the NCAA March Madness. Not because I enjoy grown men in shorts that dribble, but because as soon as it's over, MLB begins. There just isn't enough pre-season baseball on TV. The weekly Bryan Singer video blogs on the filming of "Superman Returns" have been fun so far. All the sets look like they were cloned from the Richard Donner film. Seems he is being true to his word that "Returns" is an extention of that series. How weird, the way I thought it was set up in "Spider-Man II", Harry would become the Hobgoblin in #3. With the casting of Thomas Hayden Church as a new undisclosed super villan 'Hobby' will be left over for the next director & cast. I guess Spidey could fight 2 villans. I really hope some U.S. cable network will pick up the BBC's new version of "Doctor Who" and Leo Laporte's "Call For Help" from G4/TechTV Canada. I really miss 24 hour a day tech, and the good 'Doctor' should be fun atually using some real movie tech. The Daleks were scary but they couldn't climb stairs. Well, the James Bond producers have dumped Pierce Brosnan & want to go with a new, younger Bond in his first adventure, "Casino Royale". No "Q" no gadgets, but Judi Dench will still be "M". She's great, but the Bond films have never been good with continuity. Who do you think should be the new Bond? Several front runners pooh pooh the idea. Ewan McGregor, Julian McMahon and a few others are campaigning for it though. Not sure the new, no gimmick, less action, more realistic Bond will work. If those elements aren't present, is it still Bond? New trailers that make me want to see the films are, "The Fantastic Four", "Bewitched", "War Of The Worlds", "Hitchhiker's Guide To The Universe", "Charlie & The Chocolate Factory" and "Batman Begins". The trailer that makes me want to avoid the movie, ""The Honeymooners". If it's not true to the original, just change the name & call it something else, because it ain't the "Honeymooners". April is gonna be great on Turner Classic Movies. Hugh Hefner will program a night of his favorite Bogart Films and it's comedy month. Laurel & Hardy kick things off on the first. All the Hope & Crosby "Road" pictures & all the Marx Brothers pics will follow. Charlies' Chaplin & Chase will be there. As will Mr. Arbuckle, Bud & Lou and more. Oh, let's not forget Larry, Moe & Curly. A nine hour marathon of their shorts will run April Fools Day on Spike TV. Nyuks to you!

Congress is Juiced

Thursday, I actually went out of my way to go to cspan.org to watch the hearing on steroid use in baseball. Well, Direct TV doesn't show CSPAN 3. CSPAN 3? How many of them are there? Anyway, why are you wasting time & taxpayers money on this? Don't you have something important to do like allocating 50 trillion dollars for the development of a digital toilet or something? What are you thinking? Steroids in baseball? That's all you have to worry about? Sometime after Woodstock and before Pierce Brosnan became James Bond, chemists, doctors, noted scientists or some guy, probably in Jamestown, VA. discovered steroids that could enhance strength. Not to mention 5 million other drugs that are available by prescription only, have side effects including uncontrolable flatuance & death, and are marketed like ambulance chaser attorneys on TV. Ever since time began, humans have tried to get an edge on competition. Legal or otherwise. It's human nature to want to be the best. We are trained for it from the time we are infants. That said, where is the surprize that some baseball players used steroids? Steroids have been an issue in every sport since their creation. Do we allow stuff to make players stronger, faster or whatever? Maybe, maybe not, if we have proof of it's use. Do we even have real proof the problem exists in our sport? Since it was created, cortizone has been used to stop pain in sports. Why do players get to use it? It's artificial. It stops what keep a player from playing, pain. Why don't they just have to play through the pain instead of taking a drug? If that was the case, we would have never heard of Mickey Mantle. What, you say? I can't compare cortizone to steroids? Why not? They both provide some sort of chemical & artificial means to improve or assist a players performance. An article I read on cortizone said this: "Receiving a cortisone shot is one of the quickest ways to lose strength at the ligament-bone junction (fibro-osseous junction). Cortisone and other steroid shots have the same detrimental effects on anticular cartilage healing." Wait, did I just read that cortizone is a steroid & it is harmful? Ok kids, then this means that every players stats from 1950 on should be in question and everyone from DiMaggio to Aaron is in question. That is if Mark McGuire and Barry Bonds records are in question. The whole point is that this is a witch hunt with no purpose, no proof and no real direction or conclusion in sight, other than to revoke baseball's anti-trust exemption. Congress has to stick their nose in other peoples business for no reason at all. I guess they already have the digital toilet thing wrapped up & haven't got the guts to address things like how people can sue McDonalds for selling them coffee that is 'too hot' & Big Mac's that make them fat & die of heart attacks. Can't people take responsibilitiy for their own actions? I smoke, but I don't blame the tobacco companies for making me smoke. It was my decision. Unless of course I get a piece of those billion dollar lawsuits that you got that I never saw a dime of. Therefore, Bud Selig, Donald Fehr...or any other baseball player or management type cannot be held accountable for the proliferation of steroids in the game. It takes a while to uncover hard fact truth. "My God, you didn't know Canseco was shooting up the whole west coast with steroids? You shall die a thousand deaths because we are congress & we think you should have known. You should have people staked out, hiding in lockers, mein fuherer, to follow these players constantly to see they don't break the rules...that don't exist yet! We have the power to punish you after the fact for a crime, before it was a crime!!!!!!" There's logic at work in your government, Adolph. People don't smoke a joint in a mall so everyone can see it. Addicts don't shoot heroin live on the MTV awards & players don't tell the world they are on steroids. Gaylord Perry never admitted to throwing a spitball & Sammy Sosa's bat was a batting practice corked bat for 'show'. Like he can't hit home runs off batting practice pitching anyway.....gimme a break! Oh, by the way, did you know that steroids weren't illegal during the time frame you are investigating. So, what's the point? Do you just want to discredit records for the sake of bursting bubbles. Or do you just want to find a way to punish baseball for that anti-trust thing. Like that informed idiot, Jose Canseco, and the media sweetheart that can't sign a baseball for an 8 year old kid at the winter meetings in 1992 when NO ONE else was around, (I actually saw this one occur) Barry Bonds, has stated. 'You will never get definitive proof if any broken records can be attributed to steroid use.' So I say, Why even try? IT WASN'T ILLEGAL AT THE TIME....IT DOESN'T MATTER!!!!!!!!! Baseball finally figured out the problem though and is trying to rectify it. Good for them. Leave 'em alone & see if it works. If you want to punish someone, go after big corporations that buy up mom & pop businesses, create monopolistic entities then fire all the employees to cut overhead, increase unemployment, and increase the base of consumers who can no longer afford to buy their goods or use their products. To quote the beer commercial...BRILLIANT!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! You must punish Bud Selig, Donald Fehr & baseball for not recognizing the steroid problem the day it started and begin penalties then. Ok, in that case why didn't congress forsee that this 'quick war in Iraq' looking for 'weapons of mass destruction' would cost billions of dollars more than they thought and thousands of lives...so far? Under the same 'rules' YOU should be held accountable. That is if baseball should. However, wouldn't the charges against you range from fiscal fraud to murder or at least willful endangerment of life? I guess that's not as important as making sure Mark McGuire is denied a place in the Hall Of Fame on the first ballot and that Babe Ruth's 60 home run record is 'intact'. Mind you I am all for keeping sports clean of cheating, but everyone tries to fix cheating & as soon as we find out about it & have FACTS to work with to develop a solution. Give baseball's solution a chance to work. What,you don't think the penalties are strict enough? Hell, what would you know about penalties? What did you do about Halliburton? You will never prove steroids had an effect on any baseball record and there is no reason to investigate a crime that never happened. Steroids were not illegal during that period...GIVE IT UP!!!! The exposure Canseco has given the topic has already created doubt. That is the best you can hope for. There will never be proof. Just the word of 'he said, she said'. The damage is done. Get over it & quit spending money & interupting spring training. Get back to work. Anyway, what is the big deal? Especially with home run records? Steroids don't improve eye hand reaction. The tough part about hitting a baseball is just that...HITTING it. A star still hits .300. That means they fail 7 out of 10 times to hit a baseball. Eye hand cordination can't be improved with steroids. Otherwise players would be hitting .400 all the time. Who cares how FAR the home run goes...it's still a home run. Players in this era are naturally bigger & stronger because they earn a lot of money to play. They didn't do that in the "golden era". In fact I bet Mr. Hall of Fame, Jim Bunning has never done 50 sittups...in a row. I've heard enough stories from Hall of Famers that prove they were not fit, drank all the time & never worked out, to back up my theory. Today, they workout & stay healthy from age 3. Why? Because there are million dollar contracts connected to it...hence, motivation. Keep kids off steroids? Set an example? You think stage moms are tough? Try any little league coach who is a dad who wants to live vicariously through his son. Mickey Mantle & Babe Ruth drank all the time, partied, played with with hangovers, never worked out. Ruth was a 60 home run hitting fat slob. Mantle's own quote...'If I knew I'd live this long I would've taken better care of myself.' Today's players go to the gym, workout, get stronger, play longer & hit harder. They will hit more home runs than their predecessors for that reason alone. The players of yesteryear, before free agency, had to work real jobs in the winter to make ends meet. Working out was not an option to most. They had to work at the feed store. Who cares if the home run hit was 330 feet or 2000 feet...he still hit it. We also have Spider-Man on CGI. It ain't Tobey McGuire swingin thru Manhattan, but Mark McGuire did hit 70 home runs. Just hitting the ball is a feat in itself, even on steroids. We have TV spots pushing prescription drugs that have side effects that include turning your brain into a piece of broccoli. Marijuana is not a legal medical drug for terminal patients, yet congress is worried that baseball's solution to the steroid problem isn't good enough and a full day must be spent asking 5 players mentioned in Jose Canseco's book if they took steroids. To what purpose? Get a clue guys. Quit the witch hunt and get onto something important. Like Finding Blofeld's cat. Remember, like the lottery....it's just a game!