Forward No!

Allright, it's time to put down some rules as far as "FWD...'s" go. In a manner of speaking they are a form of spam....but spam's not why you called. That's another rant. The personal computer combined with it's connection to the internet is capable of unlimited research. It provides access to the largest database in the history of the world and it is accessible 24/7/365. Imagine the possibilities and potential for increasing knowledge.It also makes it possible for any self respecting, self centered, anti-social, Howard Hughes wannabe, to work at home instead of hangin' out with the suits at the office, rent DVD's, pay bills, order pizza delivery and control your environment from room temperature to what room & device you want to show a movie or play some form of entertainment anywhere in your house. If you are really a true geek slug, you can engage in any highly intelectually competitive exhibition on the calibur of poker, checkers or Grand Theft Auto, with virually anyone, anywhere on the face of the planet. It has changed the world. However, I have at least 10 friends who primarily see this device as a door to door distribution vehicle for some of the worst humor, most useless information and or personal obessions ever imagined. Where on Monster.com is the listing that reads: "Make a great living, sending out emails to your friends & family!" "Just send our audience specific emails, filled with lousy jokes, flag waving, heart inspiring, political &/or religious sentiments and your choice of either dirty and/or just simply stupid or disgusting pictures. All emails come equipped with the promise of the destruction of the universe, as we know it, or the self inflicted starvation of a small ethiopian child if you don't forward it to at least 46 of your closest friends, within 10 minutes. Staring salary, $100.00 per email sent!!! Go to sheeshgimmeabreak.com. Kids, here are my rules for FWD's. As far as email is concerned, even from you! If it says FWD....that's one strike towards the recycle bin. Is there an attachment? Look kids, I'm not opening anything with an attachment...I don't care who sent it. Strike Two! Is the text longer than four or five lines? Strike Three! I don't have time to read someones essay unless I specifically go to their site to read it. If there is an attachment and/or the text is longer than 4 or 5 lines...Strike 3! If we have short text, no attachment, the count is 1-2. Is it funny? NO? Strike Three. Funny, Yes? You have earned one more FWD acceptance which count as balls. Your count is now 2-2....three strikes and you are out.....take your base after 4 balls. Go over a paragraph or send more than one or two a week & Strike Three overides all previous walks and YER OUT!!! You lose all runs you scored previously. Hey, it's my game, I make up the rules. At that point every FWD you send gets an automatic delete. C'mon kids I don't want to insult you it's just that I don't have time to read a novel on the fly for an 'almost a smirk'. 800 cheesy pictures that take 15 minutes to load is not my idea of how to spend a half hour of my entertainment dollar either. As preposterous as it may seem though, I am not totally innocent of sending FWD's myself. I have sent Three in the last six years. I have always sent them rewritten as regular emails and they were never more than 4 or 5 lines of text...a quick joke. Technically that's not a FWD...it's a "Pass It On"! You wouldn't believe what the criteria is to get me to "Pass On" something, but that's not why you called. That's another rant!